Interpersonal conflict occurs due to myriad
of personalities in each individual.
My friend Nancy told me about how she was confronted
during physics tuition. It was a norm that homework questions would be revised
through during lesson. The method of revising through would be seat by seat,
each student will have to give the answer they had written for the question.
While Nancy did not complete the tutorial
assignment she was supposed to do, she asked Joe for help as Nancy felt that
Joe was the closest friend she has and she did not want to feel left out
without answering the question. Instead of being helpful, Joe went to confront
her and said nastily “It is your problem that you did not complete your
homework, why should I be so kind to share answers with you”
As seen, Joe had a very direct and
confrontational personality however, Nancy even though was in the wrong, she
had a passive character where she does not know how to retaliate in situations
like this.
Yes, even though Nancy should be
responsible for her own homework and her friend isn’t wrong in saying words
like this. Can’t conflict be minimized if Joe used words that aren’t so nasty?
He could have used words that will not hurt the other party feelings.
If you were to face any confrontation, be
it whether you are right or wrong, how will you face it/deal with it?
*Nancy & Joe are fictional names*
Given that Nancy was close to Joe (since she had regarded him as her best friend), I assumed she would have know Joe's character of being direct and confrontional. In this way, she could be more understandable towards Joe's actions.
ReplyDeleteOne possible cause of conflict might be the way Nancy approached Joe for answers instead of help. Therefore, Joe showed his "nasty" side to Nancy since he would definitely have felt unfair for sharing his answers with someone whi might not have put in the effort to try to solve the questions.
Suggestion: Nancy could also have approached Joe in such a way to request for her (e.g. Joe, I am stucked for some of the questions. Could you help by explaining them to me how you derive your answers?)
For Joe, maybe he could have been more considering in the words he uses on Nancy, if she realised that Nancy has always been the weaker student in class, as this could minimise the hurt he might inflict on Nancy.
I felt that Joe's reaction could be interpreted in two ways. Firstly, given the fact that Joe is Nancy's closest friend, he would have know her character well. Hence, it may be possible that he said those words wanting to reduce her reliance on him. This may be an effort to make her more proactive and approach others when she is in need of help. The second way to interpret Joe's action is that he did not mean it in a bad way but took it for granted that Nancy as a close friend will understand him.
ReplyDeleteIn either case, it is undeniable that he could be more careful in his choices of words. Despite Nancy being close to him, she may feel hurt after hearing what he said especially when she is in a helpless situation. On the other hand, knowing Joe's character, it may be better for Nancy to prepare herself on how to react if Joe rejected her request as being render speechless at that point of time may make the situation worse.
If I am faced with a confrontation, I will try to react differently based on the situation and the personality of the other party. I felt that ''reacting in the right way'' is better than ''ensuring you are in the right''. However, this is easier said than done. It is really important to understand the techniques of effective communication and be mindful to be understanding to the other party.
Lots of grammar mistakes, Sarah.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your post, Sarah. I appreciate your sharing.
ReplyDeleteIn this situation you describe two friends and a conflict that arises because one feels, perhaps, burdened by the other. It appears that Nancy might have asked Joe for help before. Is that true? I also wonder about Joe's tone of voice and facial expressions. Were they tense, showing anger, or playful, showing aggravation?
In fact, to give proper feedback to your questions I'd need more details. Also, every situation is unique to some degree. That's why providing a "one size fits all" answer is hard to do.
But thanks for your effort!
Thanks Brad, Annis and Weini for the constructive feedback (:
ReplyDelete